2010 December » Find Me In September

Hi.

A while back, I gave up on writing.
Recently, I've un-given up.

So here I am.

Right now, it all seems very messy (things always seem that way to me).
But, you can expect to find all sides of my story here.
I hope you will find in it what I did- the love of a Father who is violently and hopelessly
chasing after the hearts of His children.

Find Me In September is a reservation I made with myself a long time ago
in the middle of a deep darkness, to heal, write and share.
Currently, its a collection of fiction and non-fiction prose and poetry about embracing pain
as a necessary part of healing.

Collection samples:
The Tracks
A Girl I Knew.

You're always welcome to join me here.

Monthly Archives: December 2010

Dec 31 2010

they came to say good-bye

Posted in Community, fatherlessness, people show hide 3 comments

My heart has been pulled in four-hundred-sixty-eight directions today. I feel it in my chest- ripping at connected arteries and overly filling the space around it. My ribs ache. My head hurts from the pressure of blood pulsing. I’ve really never experienced this many feelings at once and I’d like to turn my feel-er off for...

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Dec 15 2010

five hours ago.

Posted in Adoption, Doubt, God show hide 1 comment

Today, I decided I couldn’t do this kid thing. I sat at my desk, with a lump in my throat, totally convinced (Okay, maybe ninety-two percent convinced) that I could not be responsible for tiny human being. I could not mother. I couldn’t trust God to provide. And I wanted to blame all of this...

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Dec 03 2010

Whatever Happens

Posted in Adoption, God, Parenting show hide 4 comments

I think a lot. About everything. I am constantly trying to problem solve and I’m sure some people would call this worrying… I should acknowledge it as worrying (or is that what I just did?). It makes me tired. It makes me sick. It makes me a kind of annoying person to be around sometimes...

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A d o p t i o n

Our Adoption Story
- What does it really mean to be open in adoption? March 7, 2013
  Today’s Open Adoption Bloggers Round Table is about openness in adoption. Ready, set, go… “Are you guys doing an open adoption?” This is a common question. I realize that most people think there are two kinds of adoptions: open and closed. While I guess that’s technically true, the variations of an open adoption vary greatly read more » […]
- Three Months Old February 10, 2013
  I typed the title of this post and realized I’m turning into that mom. The one who writes a blog entry about her child being three months old. (But, c’mon. If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram this isn’t news to you) But, things are getting pretty exciting around here. There’s lots of new read more » […]
- Eventually, It All Runs Out January 31, 2013
  Nothing is more evidence of God than my own limits. I love this kid more than I’ve ever loved anything on the planet. He twists my heart in a new way every day and I always think it can’t hurt anymore. But tomorrow, I’ll pluck him out of his bed as he stretches his arms read more » […]
- Illness and Injury January 27, 2013
  Today’s open adoption bloggers round table is about illness and injury in adoption. Initially, I didn’t think I’d be able to weigh in on the topic considering our son is only two and a half months old and hasn’t really been sick or injured (I’m not sure that I can count his girlfriend stepping on read more » […]
- Thanking God for a Dead Car Battery January 26, 2013
  And here’s part 3… Last night, after more than nine hours in the waiting room and finding out that L was apparently still in triage, we left the hospital for a change of scenery (and I’m not gonna lie, a change in beverage). After dinner we came back to the hotel feeling frustrated by all read more » […]
- Hurry Up and Wait January 24, 2013
  Yesterday I began unraveling the story of our son’s birth. Here’s what I’m calling part two. Hang in there, the end (tomorrow) is so worth it. Good morning! Right now I’m sitting in the waiting room at the hospital. It is not comfortable. Not even kind of. Well, okay- the butt of this chair has a cushion. read more » […]
- Two Months Overdue. January 23, 2013
  Hi friends. So, if we’re connected on Facebook this is no big news but our life has changed quite a bit. Our son was born in November. Our son. He’s pretty amazing. The two year journey we spent to get here, is a blur. The paperwork, agencies and fundraising are all hazy. I can’t believe it. read more » […]
- Crunch Time. October 11, 2012
  Hi friends. Long-time no chat. I have so much to tell you, but I just can’t yet. I have 687 reasons why I can’t. However, I’ll do my best not to waste your time with them. I can tell you, we’ve had some rough days. Chris and I both just have our heads down and read more » […]
- Boot Camp September 3, 2012
  This pile of thoughts has been collecting dust in my drafts folder for three months: Nine days ago on May 19th, we recieved an email from our agency “Hi Erin, I just wanted to let you know that we received your wonderful photo book and other paperworker. I hope things have settled down for you, read more » […]
- Tug-of-war July 30, 2012
  Ever since we found out the baby is a boy, chose a name and met the baby’s parents- my heart has been filling right up. Each day this past week has been better than the last, and it’s been months since I’ve been able to say that. I’m not sure I’ve ever lied so much read more » […]

F a c e b o o k